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Writer's pictureSabreena Nazimudeen

Model composition for primary 6: A surprise

Here is a model composition suitable for Primary 5 & 6 - "A surprise." Below you will find an essay (DRAFT 2) written by one of our students. Our students go through multiple drafts. What you will find in this blogpost is the improved final draft of the composition. Model composition: A surprise (example)



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English Composition Creative Writing Classes at Yishun for Primary 1 2 3 4 5
English Composition Creative Writing Classes at Yishun for Primary 1 2 3 4 5







Model composition for primary 6: A surprise

Student: Sri Laya, P5 (Improved version)

Pictures given: Surprise party





Model composition for primary 6: A surprise

Model composition for primary 6: A surprise

It was already 9:00 p.m. in the night. I was alone at home, and my heart pounded with fear because it was my first time being alone at home. Just then, I heard someone knock on the door. I hopped towards the door, thinking that my parents had finally come. But, when I opened the door, nobody was there. 


I looked around, but no one was in sight. Fear gripped my heart. Who was that?

What if it was a burglar? With my hands shaking, I closed the door. I sat on the couch, with the blankets over my head, as my teeth chattered. The lights were still turned off. To reduce my fear, I jumped off the couch with my blankets on to turn on the light. Just then, the door creaked open.


Light from outside crept in as two figures stepped inside. Followed by them, another eight people crept inside.

My face turned as pale as a ghost as my mouth dropped to the floor in horror. My eyes widened with fear as my heart pounded like an African drum. The lights were still turned off, so they looked like gloomy shadows sliding into the house. Were they a group of thieves? Or, even worse, murderers? I immediately clutched the broomstick and bucket next to me for protection as I stammered, “Who are all of you? W-what do you want?” I was about to call the police when the lights flickered on.

“Surprise!” They shouted. Followed by a sigh of relief was shock. They were neither thieves nor murderers, but my family and friends! The shocking part was that they were holding a huge cake! Just then, it hit me that today was my birthday! “Happy birthday, Mia!” They cheered in unison. My eyes widened with surprise. The cake was embroidered with edible pearls and blue icing. On the cake were twelve candles along with a ‘Happy Birthday’ sign. My heart was melted by the kindness of my friends and family. My friends each held shiny gift boxes.


But that was not all! They dragged me into my room, just when I thought there was only one surprise. When I saw my room, I was ready to faint with joy. It was beautifully draped with banners as balloons flew around. The ceilings were adorned with a burst of colours from every spectrum of a rainbow. I shook my head in disbelief. My heart fluttered with joy as tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. I hugged everyone as I thanked them profusely. I danced around with happiness.

Everyone burst into joyful laughter. My parents explained that the reason they did not allow me into my room was because of the surprise. They also revealed that they had actually gone to buy a cake and not groceries. I thanked all of them once again for the immense effort they had put in to plan this surprise. They had prepared everything I had wanted for a birthday. A beautiful cake in my favourite colour, blue, decorations draped around the house, and beautiful gifts! Soon, we cut the cake and sang the birthday song.


I was completely moved by their actions, and till now, I have never forgotten that day. It was the best birthday ever, and the most wonderful surprise was planned out. I looked forward to repaying all of them with another, greater surprise. What they had all done for me was a truly wonderful and unforgettable surprise. I would never ever forget them in my life!

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