A good deed model composition primary example
Student: : Li Chengzhen, P6 (Improved version)
Pictures given: Old lady using walking stick / Toilet roll / Supermarket
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Below is a picture of DRAFT 2 of the student's composition. Our students go through multiple rewrites to improve their composition writing skills. We have presented the improved version of this draft in this blog. We have highlighted good phrases that were used in this composition.
Model composition - Primary 6 - A good deed
My heart was not prepared for the next moment. The poor, frail old lady suddenly lost her balance and fell to the floor. Everyone stood frozen for a second. Pity engulfed me as people pretended to ignore the woman as they watched their phones. Unable to take it anymore, I rushed forward.
Just a few minutes ago, I was shopping for groceries and had finished buying the groceries on the grocery list my mother had given me. I finally joined the long, snaking queue. However, it seemed to not be moving after some time! “What’s taking so long?” I muttered to myself while craning my neck to look at the front of the queue. What I saw made my face as white as a sheet!
“Thump!” The sound of a body falling to the ground reverberated throughout the supermarket. An old lady had just fallen down accidentally. “Someone in front is definitely going to help her up, right?” I muttered to myself. Just then, someone in front of me shouted, “Hey, what’s happening there?” To my chagrin, everyone turned a blind eye, but no one took the initiative to lend the poor woman a helping hand!
I was appalled. “How can they turn a blind eye to the old lady who is injured?” I felt sorry for her. She had wrinkled cheeks, and her visible veins were riding down her right arm like train tracks. She appeared distressed and was quivering like jelly. What I did next made the adults hang their heads in shame!
I stepped out of the queue, and I rushed to the old lady and asked, “Hello Auntie, are you okay? Do you need help?” I asked as I handed her a piece of tissue to wipe the blood from the wound, thanks to her fall earlier. She smiled and said, “You are such a kind boy! Thank you for helping me up.” I could tell that she was really thankful as her eyes were beaming with relief. Feeling dizzy with delight that I had done a good deed, I punched the air triumphantly.
I helped pick up her groceries, which were strewn all over the floor. I helped her carry them to her house before going back home.
“Hey John! Why are you so late, and where are the groceries I told you to buy?” My mother questioned me, and I told her what happened at the supermarket. After hearing that I did a good deed, she praised me to the skies, and I vowed to myself to do more good deeds in the future.