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Model composition for Primary 4 - "A commotion"

Here is a model composition for Primary 4 - "A commotion." Before you write the composition, ask yourself what does title mean. A commotion is defined as sudden noisy disturbance. Want to improve your vocabulary? Check out our speech tags book. Speech tags are words to replace said. If you are interested to learn more speech tags, you can click on the button below and download a FREE SAMPLE of our speech tags assessment book. Exercises + Answer sheet is included.



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Below is the Composition Question, including the 3 panel pictures.


Model composition for Primary 4 - "A bully"
Model composition for Primary 4 - "A bully"

Model composition - A commotion


The sky was an azure blue with cottony white clouds prancing in the air. The sun was a tyrant and I was sweating buckets. I could not wait to get into the air conditioned bus. I had a long day in school and I wanted to at least have a cat nap in the bus. The wait was tiresome and I felt like a melting popsicle. “Grr! I wish my bus would come!” I muttered under my breath, Just then, my bus arrived and I sat at my favourite window seat. I was expecting a normal bus ride home but little did I know something unexpected was waiting to happen.


After plugging in my ear piece, I rested my head against the seat. The calming music lulled me to sleep and before I knew it, I was in dreamland. I did not know how long had passed. I was suddenly jolted awake. Afraid, I had missed my stop, I rubbed my bleary eyes. I heaved a sigh of relief when I realised I had two more stops. In order to prepare to alight, I propped my bag in front of me. “Hey, watch it!” a shrill voice pierced the peaceful atmosphere. I turned my head and noticed an elderly woman sitting beside me. She had an unfriendly expression on her face and she stared daggers at me as if I was her arch-nemesis. Being polite, I muttered, “Sorry!” I was expecting it to not escalate further, but I was wrong.


“Sorry? Sorry is not a magic eraser. Today’s young people are so rude!” she rattled off like a machine gun. I kept my lips pursed and waited patiently for my stop. I did not want to make a commotion. In order to seamlessly alight, I decided to leave my seat a little earlier and wait near the door. Besides, the old lady was seated on the aisle seat and I anticipated that I needed more time. “Excuse me,” I politely said, expecting her to stand up so I can leave. She groaned and shifted her body, leaving me very little room to walk through. Balancing my bulky school bag, I tried to squeese through.


“Oh my! You hit me on the face!” she complained, attracting the attention of the other passengers. Shocked, I stood frozen. “You are so rude! You hit me on purpose!” she continued to create a commotion. “I am sorry. I had no space and had to squeese through!” I apologised. “Are you talking back to me! How rude!” she lamented and continued complaining loudly. Everyone was staring at us and my face turned beetroot red. The commotion was getting out of hand. My stop had finally arrived and the lady was not letting me go. Tears brimmed in my eyes. Finally, someone came to my rescue.


“I have been watching this commotion. I am sorry but I think the child is not in the wrong. If you are sitting on the aisle seat, it is only fair you give the person ample space to leave. You should have stood up!” a voice of reason echoed. I turned around to find the driver. He was an elderly man with salt and pepper hair. He had a benevolent face. The driver had stopped the bus at my stop and took the moment to give the lady a dressing down. “B-but it is not fair! I am going to complain against you as well!” the old lady threatened. “We do have CCTV cameras. You may do so,” the driver curtly stated.


Feeling defeated and waving an angry fist, the elderly lady alighted while complaining to herself. With gratitude in my eyes, I profusely thanked the driver for rescuing me from the commotion. “It is not your fault. I hope you have a better day ahead!” he generously smiled at me. His words gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling. I was over the moon that someone stood up for me.

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