Here is a model composition suitable for Primary 5 & 6 - "A wasted opportunity." Below you will find an essay (DRAFT 2) written by one of our students. Our students go through multiple drafts. What you will find in this blogpost is the improved final draft of the composition. Model composition: A wasted opportunity (example)
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Model composition for primary 5: A wasted opportunity
Student: Jash Mirani, P6 (Improved version)
Pictures given: Piano
Model composition for primary 5: A wasted opportunity
“Ping! Bang! Boom!” The sound of me gaming in the dead of night was so deafening that even the deaf Beethoven would be able to hear. Undeterred by the irate stares my parents were giving me, I continued gaming on my prized console even though I should have been sleeping as the next day was important for me. I had to play on my piano the next day in a talent show.
The talent show was a great opportunity for me to establish myself as a good pianist, and I would be able to fulfil my dream of going to Wales if I won first prize. There was a good chance of me winning first prize as I was naturally gifted at playing the piano, but I had not practiced as I thought winning would be a cakewalk for me. Little did I know what fate had in store for me.
Somewhere around 3 a.m., my tired eyes gave in, and I fell into a deep slumber. “Wake up! Wake up!” my mother hollered at me with a hint of panic in her tone. In a daze, I picked up my alarm clock to see the time. What happened next was unbelievable. My eyes widened in terror when I saw that the time was 7:15 a.m. I only had fifteen minutes to reach the auditorium!
In the snap of a finger, I brushed my teeth, changed, and wolfed down my breakfast before sprinting to the bus stop. “When will the bus come?” I thought agitatedly as seconds ticked by. Just then, the bus came, and I hopped on it. I disembarked the bus when my stop came and hightailed it into the auditorium.
“And now, Jash Mirani will play ‘Faded’ for us on his piano,” they announced as I stepped into the auditorium. Panting like a wild dog on the run, I sat in front of the piano. Still reeling from the shock, I started playing the song. Nothing could prepare me for the next moment. The piano produced a strangled sound that was nothing like ‘Faded’.
The panel of judges let out a chorus of disapproval as I trotted to my seat after finishing my atrocious song. Words could not describe my fury for letting this golden opportunity to fulfil my dream slip through my grasp. But what is the point of crying over spilled milk? I made a mental note to always be humbled and practice for anything so an opportunity never gets wasted in the future.
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