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Model composition: an unexpected friendship

Here is a model composition suitable for Primary 5 & 6 - "an unexpected friendship." Below you will find an essay (DRAFT 2) written by one of our students. Our students go through multiple drafts. What you will find in this blogpost is the improved final draft of the composition. Model composition: an unexpected friendship (example)



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English Composition Creative Writing Classes at Yishun for Primary 1 2 3 4 5
English Composition Creative Writing Classes at Yishun for Primary 1 2 3 4 5







Model composition an unexpected friendship

Student: Zoanne Leung, P6 (Improved version)

Pictures used: dog





Model composition for primary 6 - an unexpected friendship

Model composition for primary 6 - an unexpected friendship

I have a pet dog. His name is Scott. He is always protective of me and listens to instructions very well. When I ask him to eat, he will always eat. When I tell him not to go into the mud, he will listen and stay in the house, keeping himself clean. When I have visitors, he will also be a respectful dog and sit in a corner, not disturbing my friends. He will not pounce on or aggravate anyone. Unlike other dogs, he never chews on any furniture in my house. Today, I bask in the glory of his unexpected friendship. However, a few months ago, he was just a filthy, scrawny, brown dog lingering outside my school gate.

“My examinations are finally over! Now I can finally play my favourite video game, Roblox, with my friends. I chuckled as I walked out of my school gate. Just as I turned the corner, I noticed a filthy and crumpled figure at one corner. Many people stared at it curiously but walked off without finding out what it was. I was unlike them; my curiosity got the better of me. Waking up to the figure, I peered at it. Just then, the figure moved. Was I seeing things? Rubbing my eyes, I stared at it one more time. This time, the figure moved to a sitting position. It was a dog!


The dog looked abandoned. It resembled a bag of bones as it was almost skeletal. Its ribs showed through its saggy skin. The fur was matted and unkempt. It was a piteous sight! However, its eyes were bright and longing for a master! I noticed his stick-like legs and saliva dripping out of the corners of his mouth. It looked as though it had not eaten for days. Finishing out some leftover pieces of bread in my lunchbox, I tottered towards the pathetic dog. ”Here, have some!” I offered cheerfully, flashing a broad grin at him. The dog gazed up at me with shimmering eyes as he sniffed the bread before munching on it greedily. I patted it and proceeded back home to play my video game.


From that day on, the same dog would be lying on the ground, waiting for me. Once he caught sight of me, he would wag his tail enthusiastically. However, the joy was short-lived as I had become the victim to the school's notorious bully Jack, who developed a penchant for making my life a living hell. This has an adverse effect on my mood.  On one specific day when I could not control my frustration, I took it out on the poor dog. “Stop following me, I'm already having a bad day!” I shouted as my ears flushed a crimson red. Despite me showing my anger, the dog licked his paws and stared at me with those sparkling innocent eyes. However, one afternoon, my demeanour towards the dog changed. 

On that fateful day, as I was trudging home, I heard a loud voice boom behind me, “Hey, punk! Where do you think you are going?” Finding the voice familiar, I whipped my head around. To my horror, it was the notorious bully Jack and his gang. My worst nightmare had returned to haunt me.

 

“I gave you all my pocket money last week; I don’t have it anymore.” I stammered. Fear gripped my heart as my blood turned to ice. My heart was pounding wildly against my chest.

Lifting his right eyebrow in an arc like an aristocrat, looking down on commoners, Jack smirked, ”A few dollars is not enough, you poor, pathetic kid. Give me your wallet!” To my horror, Jack then grabbed me by my collar, rummaged through my pockets, but could not find my hidden wallet. Then he threw me onto the ground with a loud thud, causing me to grimace in agony. His entire gang started heckling and kicking at me, treating me like a soccer ball. Rolling myself into a ball, I tried not to scream in pain.

Just as I was thinking of giving Jack my money, I saw a figure jump over me and clamp its teeth around Jack’s left leg, savagely biting him. As I peered closely at the figure, I realised it was the “stray” dog. “Ouch, you stupid dog! Let go of me!” Jack struggled to shake him free. The canine let go, but he continued barking furiously at Jack and his gang. Like a bunch of cowards, Jack’s gang members stepped away from Jack and me before running out of sight, betraying Jack. He was still shaken even after the stray dog had stopped biting him.

“You better watch out; I will... I will be back soon!” Jack stammered before scurrying away like a mouse being chased by a ferocious cat. Thanking the dog profusely, I patted his head, realising that he seemed perfect for a new pet dog. He started licking the bruises that I sustained from Jack and his gang.

“I should name you Scott; come on! Let me show you your new house and clean you until you are spotless!” I chirped as I carried my new pet into my arms. Scott started to bark excitedly, knowing that he would not be left in a dirty corner again.

This was exactly how I met my pet dog, Scott. Ever since the day I adopted him and brought him home, I have been training him, which has explained his good behaviour all the time. We became the best of friends, always hanging around together and even sleeping in the same room. I did not expect the bullying incident to lead me to my new friend. Through this incident, I learned that the best friendships can be formed under the most unexpected circumstances.

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