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Model composition: A memorable person (example)

Here is a model composition suitable for Primary 5 & 6 - "A memorable person." Below you will find an essay (DRAFT 2) written by one of our students. Our students go through multiple drafts. What you will find in this blogpost is the improved final draft of the composition. Model composition: A memorable person (example)



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English Composition Creative Writing Classes at Yishun for Primary 1 2 3 4 5
English Composition Creative Writing Classes at Yishun for Primary 1 2 3 4 5






Below is the Composition DRAFT 2

cheating model composition
Model composition a memorable person example

Model composition a memorable person example

Student: Laura Ng, P5 (Improved version)

Pictures given: Soccer ball / pen / cat


While I was walking in the park, I saw many people exercising together, but there was something that caught my attention. There was a group of boys playing football. My head felt dizzy and led me into a flashback.

 

The morning sun cast a warm blanket on me. The wind was soft, and the grass sparkled with morning dew. I was with Sarah, my best friend from primary school, practicing football on the field. Sarah is not just a girl who loves football; her passion for football knows no boundaries. Despite her petite frame, Sarah possesses an indomitable spirit on the field, captivating everyone with her unwavering dedication to the sport. From a young age, Sarah’s love for football burned bright, ignited by countless hours spent kicking a ball around makeshift pitches in her neighbourhood.

 

However, Sarah’s journey has not always been without its challenges. During a crucial match, she endured a harrowing incident. It was a match that held immense significance for our team, with victory hanging in the balance. As the match reached a critical juncture, Sarah found herself in a fierce battle for possession with an opponent. I was in the attacking area, ready to strike. Little did I know what happened next, which made my jaw drop.

 

In a split-second collision, their bodies collided with bone-crushing force, sending shockwaves ripping through the spectators. The impact was brutal, leaving Sarah sprawled on the ground, her face contorted with agony, groaning in pain as she clutched her injured leg. For a moment, time seemed to stand still as other teammates, first aiders, and I rushed to her side.

 

Despite the soaring pain in her body, Sarah’s determination burned brighter than ever. With gritted teeth, she refused to succumb to despair and let the pain define her. Channelling her strength into the fight ahead, her determination remained unshaken. Ultimately, Sarah’s return to the pitch uplifted us. Her resilience inspired us to pursue our dream of winning the match relentlessly. Within moments, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. She pumped us with energy, and before we knew it, we emerged victorious. If not for her, we would not have won the match.

 

Suddenly, a ball hit my leg, and I snapped back from the flashback. I have not contacted Sarah for many years, as she went overseas to further her studies in sports. She is the most memorable person in my life. Through her example, she taught me the importance of pursuing one’s passion fearlessly. Her resilience in the face of adversity serves as a beacon of hope and a reminder that anything is possible with hard work and dedication.


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